When the critic arrives at your restaurant mayhem ensues.  Every idiot thing possible will happen.  The otherwise competent employs will become blabbering fools.  the food will be over cooked and the silverware will be dirty.  The critic will order the one thing you are out of off the menu.  You will have your chance to at the idiot as the question will be asked why there are no lobsters tonight.  The best thing would be to pull the fire alarm and rush everyone to the parking lot.  Joe Olujic would be the best for the alarm pull.  If the alarm fails the set a real fire.